Spy Chameleon - RGB Agent is stealthy in much the same way taking a sack full of hammers to the face is stealthy; while the perpetrator announces his assault beforehand with a vuvuzela blast. That is to say, it's not stealthy at all. Wow, that's a pretty rough opener for a supposed stealth game, eh? But you'll notice I still gave this one a thumbs up. To continue my metaphor, the stitching on the bag was just exquisite, the sound of the hammers crashing together was a tour de force, and the bits of my skull moved in ways that frankly astounded medical experts. Fortunately, I am the kind of guy who can appreciate these things. Though I'd have appreciated them more if they'd happened to somebody else. You see, as the living, breathing reason banks feel compelled to keep their pens attached to chains, I think of myself as something of an expert on stealth games. There's nothing I love more than stealth done right in video games. But what is a stealth game and why doesn't Spy Chameleon qualify? Well, a stealth game has you move through an area, usually attempting to accomplish some objective (say, take everything not nailed down) and leave without being seen. There's a danger of being caught and that requires some intelligence on the part of the challenges standing between you and your objectives. For a game to be a stealth game, it needs reactive enemies, otherwise it's just an obstacle course. And that's what Spy Chameleon is: a time trial, obstacle course, collect-a-thon game. Yes, it has the trappings of stealth. You play as the titular chameleon spy, you are told briefly that your goal is to steal a thing and shown a picture of the thing at the end of several levels, and the obstacles take the form of "enemies" with vision cones. But everything moves in perfect clockwork without reaction to your presence. Changing your color to "hide" is just another form of dodging a static obstacle. You'll notice stealth is even a Steam user tag. The devs themselves describe Spy Chameleon as: "a challenging arcade-puzzle game where the player needs to avoid being spotted thanks to the color-changing mechanisms of the main character." So, yeah, Spy Chameleon fails as a stealth game. But, now that that bone has been picked, if we judge it as an "arcade-puzzle game" or by my own moniker, "run-aroundy, collecty, obstacle torture time," then Spy Chameleon is an excellent example of its kind. Personally, I couldn't stand playing it, since I don't much care for time trial obstacle courses that play to my OCD desires to collect all the bits. But I have to admit, there's a Rube-Goldberg machine-like complexity to the levels and the timing required to solve them that makes them satisfying to complete. Like the sack of hammers, it's fundamentally solid in its design and its presentation is surprisingly nice. Spy Chameleon's soundtrack makes up for the game's lack of true infiltration by seeping it's bassy post-modern jazz into that part of your brain designed for looping catchy tunes. And thanks to the artists, my favorite part of the game was failing the levels (which is good because I failed a lot). Each failure shows you an image of the hazard that caught you: giant staring gold fish, trash-can robots spewing bold japanese writing, and the spy chameleon with a look of soul-wrenching embarassment for being caught about his naughty voyeuristic business. The art assets manage to convey a ton of character, and - as you'd expect for a game called RGB Agent - it's all in bright eye-catching primaries. Even the rather thematically dull environments: lab, office, storage rooms; are bright and good looking. It's just a shame the art designer's theory seems to stop at the visuals. The game looks like it has a ton of character. Even the very premise that we're specifically playing a chameleon who is a spy is appealing. But it never really goes anywhere with it. There's no narrative to speak of. Oh, you're told that you're trying to get a photo of some celebrity with their paramour or steal a work of art, but you just run 15 levels of obstacles and then see a picture of the thing you got. I'm not necessarily asking for War and Peace, or even any dialogue or text, but it feels like an opportunity was missed to tie all the whimsical characters together into some sort of cohesive story. That might have gotten me to love the game despite not enjoying the gameplay. And to better explain the gameplay: You control the chameleon from a top down view and you navigate a room full of hazards: field-of-view cones attached to enemies that move in a set pattern. If you touch a cone, you lose. In addition to just dodging the cones as they move, you can stand against colored objects in the background and not be "seen." Naturally, you've got the primary colors and the chameleon's natural green (i.e. 360 controller colors). Along the way you collect flies and ladybugs strewn about the level for points and to unlock more levels. You are, of course, challenged to beat a certain time. There are a few variations to these basic mechanics: switches to open doors, movable obstacles to block vision cones, etc. It is best to think about the levels as a puzzle, where the solution is where you move and finding the proper timing. The game has a sort of phone-game sensibility to it. You play a series of very short levels and get ranked at the end of them. It's clearly not a mobile port. It just has that arrangement. It's mostly flawless in its implementation. The only mechanical problem is that the chameleon's model obscures the parts of his body that are vulnerable to being seen. Only the trunk of his body seems to trigger a failure and his bulbous head and tail make it hard to see the exact point you can safely stand. That might seem a fussy complaint, but Spy Chameleon is a harsh time-trial collection hell. The difference between you getting your lovely leaderboard/completionist cheese and a big fat shock for losers in this particular rat maze is literally measured in thousandths of a second. Well, okay, it is measured in that, but just getting through will probably require you to operate on the scale of hundredths of a second. No big deal for you speed-run, obstacle course aficionados, I'm sure. That does lead to my other complaint. I found there's not really a good balance for the difficulty. It's a minor complaint since the game includes an easier mode and you can even skip levels that are giving you trouble, but it still stands. On the "normal" difficutly I found the game to be a really boring exercise in just going from point A to point B. Like connect-the-dots in full, glorious 3D. On hard, though, (which is the only difficulty that counts according to the game and its lusty achievements) I found the timing to be just outside of human reaction speed at points and my success was basically a matter of luck and treating my controller in a manner that would no doubt have it taken away from me by the authorities if they only knew. And that's Spy Chameleon: terrible stealth game. Good speed-run, puzzle, collection thing. I suppose it's been mislabeled since there aren't a lot of games that marry stealth and speed well and somebody's gonna want that. The only one I can think of is The Marvelous Miss Take (which looks a bit like Spy Chameleon, actually). If you want stealth and speed, play that. But don't overlook Spy Chameleon because it doesn't do stealth. Just be sure you're the kind of person that enjoys a sack of hammers to the face. Er, "challenging arcade-puzzle" game.
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