Matt Bomer was here Some publishers seek to reach new gaming heights, by breaking the elusive fourth A wall. So, far, only one publisher has managed to achieve that, a French one. Ah, the French… they riot, they baguette, but most importantly they AAAA . But recently we saw the surge in AI companies gobbling up the majority of the world’s memory, leaving us peasant- I mean consumers, in quite a pickle. Before, upgrading your GPU was the only thing that required a trip to the local organ black market. But now, even something as “silly” as RAM will require at least an eyeball or two. So, how can we weather these trying times ahead? Follow Jeff Baldos’ advice and give up on owning our hardware? —God no! It’s clear Jeff Baldos never made a PC of his own. Once you stick it in and it powers on, that… you two are forever bonded, kinda like Avatar . So, don’t listen to Baldos and his stupidity, owning your PC is cool. So, it’s fine if you are on an old platform, or your GPU can’t run all the newer titles— gaming, especially on PC, is so vast, that it would take you three lifetimes to just play through all of the porn games Steam has, once. And if DOOM can run on a fridge, then so can Ubermosh run on your PC, whatever specs it has, be it from this or last century. But what is Ubermosh ? https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3647803176 I don’t know. Maybe it’s like a better version of the mosh pit? Or maybe it’s some algebra thing? Who’s to say. Anyway, the game reminded me of Akane ( [url=https://steamcommunity.com/id/Sv_Prolivije/recommended/884260/]sneaky self-promo of my Akane review ). You have an arena and tons of enemies are gunning for you. But unlike Akane, Ubermosh has an endless supply of enemies, no one-hit death, no boss battles, and is kinda “pointless” — the goal is to kill as many enemies as you can before the timer reaches 0. It’s like jerking it not to finish, but to break the world record for most jerk repetitions in 90 seconds one reproductive male organ can physically endure, with God shedding a tear in disbelief of such vile punishment its most beautiful creation is subjected to, but also a newfound appreciation of the athlete's mental fortitude and dedication to the sport to push past his pair's limits. I wonder— Ciri, is there a Guinness World Record for the most jerk repetitions of the male reproductive organ in 90 seconds? Anyway, this game is a great time killer. It’s snappy, short, simple, and has an addictive adrenaline pumping gameplay addictive. Slaying enemies is done in two simple ways— gun and/or sword. Ok, I lied, there is a third way, slicing enemy bullets, deflecting them back at the enemy. Everything is better in threes as my grand-pappy used to say. And since we all love winning, you win by doing one of two things: survive the full 90 seconds or reach a new Personal Best death toll. Dealer’s choice! To make things more interesting, the game sports two difficulty settings. I love the name of hard difficulty, hardboiled , reminds me of Gintama and its hardboiled detective. Anyway, the difference between the two is the amount of enemies coming at you from the get-go. Hardboiled doesn’t lube you up, it goes in raw. For some, me included, this may be more exhilarating, because more blood, more death, more carnage, no warmup period of 10-20 seconds like in the easy difficulty. The Four Classmen But that’s not all, as there are also gameplay modifiers , or as they are dubbed here, classes : [*] The Bob Bob is what most of you will be, and are. He is basic, has no class— he is Bob! A jack of all trades in a way, Bob has 4 lives, can use the giant katana and guns enemies drop. It is the best class to learn the gameplay loop, get accustomed to your screen shaking like you're playing on a laptop in a double-decker bed and your roommate above has company. Yes, you can’t see anything, but you can tell his stamina ain’t what it used to be— only 3 strokes per minute —my man fell off hard. Should eat more pineapple. [*] The Otaku The Kensai class is for your katana lovers. I’m sure there are many of those among you, it’s basic math, 6 out of 5 people love katanas, but 4 out of 5 people don’t know that the word katana means Japanese sword #TheMoreYouKnow! This class restricts you to only using the giant katana to slay your enemies, no guns allowed, that’s dishonorable to the otaku gods! But for the added difficulty of not being able to touch the magical thing that is an alien gun, you get 2 extra lives as compensation. Not really that great, but you know, it’s something… https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3648302489 [*] The Murican If you love guns and guns love you, then this is the perfect class for you. The Gunner class restricts you to basically a walking gun, mowing down enemies with the weapon god himself certified as a-ok— a gun. You have 3 lives, so def easier being an American than being an Otaku, even if you die faster. But you can kill more enemies, faster, cuz bullet. [*] The European The cream of the crop, you get to unleash both your inner Otaku and satisfy those Muriacan urges by unloading at enemies with the best gun in the game from the start— it shoots all the bullets, not just one. That’s why the Warlock class is da best! BUT, with great power, comes great depression, so you only get 2 lives. Sorry, them’s the rules. Pixel something and such The visuals are great, stylish, memorable one could say. Yes, it’s “pixel art” or whatever classification these games fall under, but the art style of the game is memorable, even if it’s not super-high-res-you-see-the-horse-balls-shrinking-in-the-cold kind of detail. The music accompanying the slaughter on your screen fits well, and while it doesn’t make me want to funk it out, it does its job and ties everything together nicely. And that's it, that's Ubermosh for ya, a super fun, short, game that you can play while taking a well deserved break from working hard on that manuscript for a new minotaur milking farm entry. No doubt, another best-seller! Plus, the whole series usually goes on sale for like half a €—so at worst, you spent less on 8 games than the electricity used up while read this amazing review. So, why not take a leap of faith? You only mosh once! To all who made it this far, if you seek even more divine knowledge, then follow the faith preached in the [url=https://store.steampowered.com/curator/40407656/]Gospel of Sv. Prolivije. All members receive their own mosh pit and 2 weeks of paid vacation. Matt Bomer wasn’t here… i’m sorry, better luck next time
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